Celebrity Calvinist: Contorting Coxcomb

“In Christian countries, the people are generally taught to make the same use of the Scripture as the bulk of the Jews did; that is, to learn how they may work the works of God in order to justification. Yet it is a great blessing to mankind to have the Scripture among them. By means of it, God will bring to the knowledge of the truth all whom he intends to save, in spite of all the arts of the teachers. And when any diligent votary of the popular doctrine is overcome by the evidence of the sacred truth, he will find himself, like Paul, happily delivered from that path wherein his former zealous wish and choice led him to walk” (Sandeman).

The majority of professing Christians are taught to use the law of God, NOT as a schoolmaster to lead them to Christ (Galatians 3:24), but rather as a tool of self-righteousness misused in order to establish a righteousness of their own (cf. Romans 10:1-4).

God’s gospel will be a great blessing to the elect of mankind who are in time infallibly regenerated by it. It is certainly NOT a blessing to the non-elect or reprobate among mankind, for they will be infallibly hardened for destruction by it which is God’s intended purpose (cf. 2 Corinthians 2:14-16; Romans 9:18).

If any among the diligent votaries of Conditionalist Calvinism (cf. Romans 10:1-4) are regenerated by the Spirit of God, they will immediately repent of their false gospel of salvation conditioned on the sinner and believe in the true gospel of salvation conditioned SOLELY on the penal and preceptive work of Jesus Christ. Like Paul in Philippians 3:8, they will count their former self-righteous religion as dung (cf.
http://www.outsidethecamp.org/gosprep.htm and http://www.outsidethecamp.org/gospatone.htm).

“I would be far from refusing even to the popular preachers themselves, what they so much grudge to others, the benefit of the one instance of an hardened sinner’s finding mercy at last: for I know no sinners more hardened, none greater destroyers of mankind than they” (Sandeman).

Tax collectors, prostitutes, and the not many wise and mighty according to flesh enter the kingdom of heaven before those “astoundingly amicable” and “epistemically humble” tolerant Calvinists who graduated cum laude from Veritas Viper Seminary.

“Now let us suppose that one of these, after having spent half a century in perverting the gospel to the ruin of himself and his hearers, is busily employed in studying for the usual entertainment of his audience to accommodate some part of the gospel to his favourite scheme. The text proves too hard for him. He is difficulted. He is perplexed. He sweats in vain. It will not do. The glory and excellency of the work of Christ, which he had been all his life labouring to throw a veil over, arises in his view in full opposition to all the heartwork he had been preaching up. He is ashamed and confounded, yet filled with wonder at the glorious exchange. He comes forth to his congregation, acquaints them in the fulness of his heart, that he and they had hitherto been walking in the broad way to destruction, the blind leading the blind, &c. What must be the effect? No less than such a revolution as happened in the synagogue of Nazareth. Yea, if the laws and manners of the country allowed, I dare say the devout people would tear him in pieces if they did not conclude he had gone distracted” (Sandeman).

Celebrity Calvinists are busily employed entertaining their audience with vain reveries of “compatibilist freedom” from their Maker. “He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; the Lord shall mock at them” (Psalm 2:4). Watch with fascination as Celebrity Calvinist contorts himself into a pernicious pretzel while preaching through the entirety of Romans 9. Observe with the affable head-tilt of the curious canine as this preacher transforms himself into a tumultuous teapot, short and stout, shaking his handle, and emitting seditious steam from his spout (cf. Romans 9:19-20).

Celebrity Calvinist also labors to throw a veil over the glorious truth conspicuously set forth in 2 Corinthians 4:6:

“Because [it is] God who said, Out of darkness Light shall shine, who shone in our hearts to [give the] brightness of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:6).

Celebrity Calvinist preaches up the LIE that the false christ of universal atonement (e.g., “Arminianism”) is revealed to the elect sinner upon regeneration instead of the True Christ. If said Calvinist were to actually judge righteous judgment based on the true gospel, his unstable and fickle congregants might speedily lead him to the edge of a steep cliff.

“I shall close this letter with observing, that though the intricacies of error be endless, yet nothing is more simple than the gospel; and its simplicity is one great reason why it is so much despised” (Sandeman).

The lightless labyrinth of the unregenerate mind is a good reason for asking professing Christians MANY questions in order to discern whether or not they believe in the true God, the true Christ, the true gospel. If they are sound in the faith, then they believe the true gospel upon regeneration. If the “light of their true gospel profession” is false gospel darkness, then they believe the false gospel upon regeneration and later “grow into” the true gospel.

“The lamp of the body is the eye. Then if your eye is sound, all your body is light. But if your eye is evil, all your body is dark. If, then, the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! No one is able to serve two lords; for either he will hate the one, and he will love the other; or he will cleave to the one, and he will despise the other. You are not able to serve God and wealth” (Matthew 6:22-24).

And you are not able to serve the true gospel and the false gospel. The gospel that is truly defended is truly served and loved. The gospel that is hated and despised is not defended. Celebrity Calvinist cleaves to the false gospel atonement he believes regenerated him, and he despises and denies the true gospel atonement which he believes one may (or may not) “grow into” at a later point in time.

“And as He was in Jerusalem, at the Passover, at the Feast, many believed into His name, seeing the miracles which He did. But Jesus Himself did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all, and because He had no need that anyone should witness concerning man, for He knew what was in man” (John 2:23-25).

The Celebrity Calvinist who tolerates an anathematized gospel and spiritually fornicates with God-haters epitomizes those “believers” whom Jesus Christ would NOT commit Himself to. Next Page (28)

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